Yeah, you’d better believe it. Before you, your mom was a freak in the sheets. She was all over the place, and as uncomfortable as it is for you, we are going to let you know what songs played in the background that probably put that extra push into her tush to get her juices flowing to help spawn this generation of metal heads:
Slow Ride – Foghat
Yes. Your mom was in the mood, and the rhythm was right whenever this smash-from-the-past came on. She got her lovin’ all night long with this original rock n roll slow jam. No shame in your mom’s game! She liked to take it reaaaaaal easy. Cowboy hats (and reverse cowgirl) optional. Yee-Haw!! Ride ’em, Ma!
You Shook Me All Night Long – ACDC
The walls weren’t the only things shaking! We’d guarantee your momma was a “fast machine who kept her motor clean” while she worked “double time on the seduction line” to this raunchy, fast-paced wall (and bed) shaker! She was knockin’ ’em out between those American thighs.
Love Gun – KISS
We’d bet that your mom was a big fan of pullin’ the trigger of her special someone’s love gun. She totally laid down the bet for her gambler. No doubt about it; this chart-topper made your momma sweat. Your momma didn’t worry about concealed carry; she liked it when it all hung out.
Way Cool Jr – RATT
Your mom definitely knew the meaning behind “out all night, he keeps me up till dawn,” while she was booty-rockin’ to Way Cool Jr. That song knew how to turn your momma on. And with Way Cool Jr, she was guaranteed a good time.
I remember you – Skid Row
No partner needed for this one! You know your mom had moments alone with herself and Sebastian Bach on her mind! That smooth, achingly-erotic voice with those melodies made your mom go all hands on deck and took her down some sweet, sweet memory lanes. Who could resist? Not your mom! He sang it best: “When you needed me, I came through.” Go get ’em, Ma!
Pour some sugar on me – Def Leppard
We are pretty sure someone poured some sugar all over your mom. In the name of love, or just in the name of a bangin’ good time, we know she couldn’t get enough of that hot, sticky sweet.
I’d do anything for love – Meatloaf
Yes, your mom would do anything for love, and she WOULD do that. After a few glasses of wine, she was willing to try anal or let her friend Pete watch. “Some days it don’t come easy. Some days it don’t come hard,” and we know which days your momma preferred.
ANYTHING – Bush
Your 90s mom would do anything for Gavin Rossdale. It didn’t matter what he sang; her panties flew off EVERY time! For sure, she got lubed up, Glycerine style, and got ready for her special Machinehead. We know she never wanted to Come Down. And, you know sometimes her Mouth was the Only Way Out. It’s okay; Gavin Rossdale had that affect on many. We ain’t mad atcha, Ma!
Closer – Nine Inch Nails
When Closer dropped, so did your mom’s underwear. This song moved something within her that nobody can quite explain. Your mom, indeed, let her special someone penetrate her, and if you’re alive, it’s most likely you were conceived while your mom was getting closer to god.
Du Hast – Rammstein
After going through all sorts of survey and statistical data, we have figured out that your mom also likely played Du Hast during your conception. She may not have understood the words, but she Du Hasted until your dad screamed NEIN!
