STORIES FROM THE ROAD: SHOW DRINKS, THE LEGEND & TROUBLE WITH A WILD BOAR

Every musician has some great stories from the road – usually an endless supply of them.  If you don’t, then you’re just not doing it right!  The problem is that most of the stories are usually so full of self-incriminating information, that most are loath to go on record with them.  However, there are the few and the brave that are willing to do so.  Therefore, we are going to be printing some of these stories of debauchery and hilarity as frequently as possible.  Regardless of genre – a good tale is a good tale and sometimes the “what happens on the road, stays on the road” rule should absolutely be broken. 

Our first fearless musician to submit a “Stories From The Road” is Joey Huffman.  Joey is undisputedly one of the top piano/organ players in the world.  He’s been playing with Hank Williams Jr. for the past five years, along with producing, playing on several artist’s albums and just started a brand new side project called Cornbread Messiah with long-time friend Steve Stone of Atlanta Rhythm Section.  His discography is too vast to name, but he’s been in every band from Soul Asylum, Matchbox 20, Drivin N Cryin, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Meat Puppets to playing on Celo Green’s album.  Musically diverse doesn’t even begin to cut it.  He also happens to be one of my closest friends. 

So, as a show of good faith and to encourage others to follow suit, I am going out on a limb here –  as I am in this story from the road.  Also, I found my pass, which clearly shows that all of this occurred during the year of our Lord 2010, but I left Joey’s date of 2009 because it’s his story; and what a story it is….

Show Drinks, The Legend & Trouble with A Wild Boar

By Joey Huffman

In June of 2009 Hank played BamaJam in the sweltering heat of rural Alabama. I decided to drive to the gig with my friend Val King and a friend named Angie.  I would write a few stories from time to time such as this for Val, so the idea on this fateful day was to interview me backstage for a video blog for the magazine. You know what they say about the best-laid plans of mice and men (not to mention musicians and journalists.)

We finally made it to our destination after asking the slack-jawed locals directions about twenty different times. We found our way backstage and procured our credentials. While waiting for our passes, Bob Smith our tour manager sensed something in the air and dubbed Val and Angie the “Trouble Makers” and warned me to not turn the day into “The Joey Huffman Show.”  I assured him that I would not and all was well… I lied. The Ladies would live up to their new sobriquet and I would have a new nickname by days end.

The first order of business was to find the Jim Beam and start drinking. It was around 2:00 p.m. and the sun was over the yardarm somewhere. We found the liquor on the band bus being guarded by Bob. I think Angie asked for a tour of the bus while Val and I quickly and stealthily mixed three show drinks. A show drink consists of a little ice in a red solo cup filled to the top with Jim Beam and just a splash of diet coke for color. We absconded with the drinks and hit the stage to watch Blackberry Smoke play a blazing set.

By the end of their set I had already sucked the bottom out of my show drink and

was ready for another one. The girls and I thought it might be a good time to film the interview with me so we retired to the bus again. Bob was nowhere to be found so we mixed more show drinks. Now, I have a high tolerance for liquor but after two show drinks besides becoming infinitely more charming, I start to slur my words a little bit. It doesn’t take a prognosticator to predict that maybe a drunk, slurring Joey might not make for the best video interview. But if two is good then three is better so I had another. I might add that the ladies were as tipsy as I was. Luckily we had a video camera to capture the comedy that ensued.

Angie set up the camera and then the ladies took up position on either side of me with me in the middle so they could double-team me. They are both very attractive girls that are well endowed and were wearing dresses that featured their cleavage. I felt like Hugh Heffner being interviewed at the Playboy Mansion. I honestly don’t remember much about the interview. It’s was online on Youtube, but I (nor Val) can seem to find it.  Probably better that the video evidence is gone of this day anyway.  I prattled on and on and looked like a complete jackass. But we trudged through it. I’m not embarrassed, but I should be.  We’ve all been a little intoxicated when doing an interview – hell this is Rock n Roll!  And it helped that my interviewers were a little tipsy too.  As soon as the interview was over, Bob reappeared on the bus and not so subtly reminded me that there was food and liquor in the dressing room. In other words…get the fuck off the bus – I have to clean it and ready it for Hank’s arrival, which was in less than an hour.

So off we head for the dressing room. Bob was correct, there were copious amounts of Jim Beam and snack foods. We mixed another show drink and settled in. It was dinnertime and instead of catering we had a menu for a nearby restaurant to order from. Lindsey, our caregiver/minder/zookeeper had provided us with a piece of paper and a pen on which to write down our orders with our names written beside them. This is where the trouble started for which a new nickname was bestowed on me.

You see, I wanted the filet mignon. Not a problem… But on the menu the filet mignon was called “The Legend.”  So logic would dictate that I write down on the piece of paper…Joey Huffman, The Legend. Lindsey saw this and it was all over for me. From that moment on I was “The Legend.” It spread like a wildfire.  Even Hank called me The Legend. It was funny and I really didn’t mind. After all, there are worse nicknames than The Legend. I did in time manage to get it shortened to just ”TL.” 

Anyway, I ate The Legend, had another show drink and it was time for the show. But I was comfortable on the couch and complained about going to work. Everybody in the room collectively said, “Poor Joey, he has to do what he loves in front of a festival crowd of people. Boo hoo.” I was feeling no pain and had found a blanket in the dressing room, which I quickly turned into a cape. I agreed to perform, but only if I could wear my cape. Someone consented but somehow it vanished before we hit the stage. I know we had a good show and a crowd of about

30,000 people. I wish I could remember more about it but it was a while back and I was lit up like a Christmas tree. After the show we retired to the bus for another show drink.

The bus parked next to ours was Travis Tritt’s. He had on display a stuffed wild boar in front of his bus. The story of the boar is as follows: Kid Rock shot the wild boar on Hank’s property in Apalachicola, FL the week before. Hank called his personal taxidermist and had him do a rush job on the boar. Hank then flew this god-forsaken thing in his jet, transferred it to his limo and personally delivered it to Travis because Travis was going to see Kid Rock the following evening. The “Trouble Makers”, also dubbed as “The party girls from Mount Pilot” by the band, didn’t know the history of the boar when they decided that it would be a good idea to go pose provocatively with it while I took pictures. When Bob saw what

was transpiring he lost his mind. How dare we desecrate the wild boar? How disrespectful. What if Hank finds out? But all was well. No harm, no foul. We left the boar in peace although I’m sure it would have been blushing if it had a pulse.  One observation…if you have a personal taxidermist on call you might be a redneck. 

In the end all even Bob had fun. We decided to spend the night and it took another two hours to find the hotel but that’s another story. 

Cheers,
J

 NOTE:  I have a picture of me on the back of that wild boar somewhere on a hard-drive or something.  Gotta find that and bury it.  ~Val 

Have a great story from the road?  Bring it on! Put “Stories From The Road” in subject line.    EMAIL me:   rockit@rockrevoltmagazine.com

Valerie King, Co-Founder/Editor in Chief