MOVIE REVIEW: PORN SHOOT MASSACRE

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When they told me that I would be reviewing a movie called Porn Shoot Massacre for our magazine, my initial thoughts were boobs and blood. I mean, from a guy’s perspective, if it’s a horror movie, there’s going to be boobies. So, with a title like that and the fact that it’s a horror movie, I was as giddy as a school boy who had found his dad’s magazine stash in the garage. Now, before I viewed the movie, I thought my review might read “boobs, boobs, blood, boobs, blood” and I think I may be a bit clairvoyant. So, I guess you’re wondering how it was, huh? Well, I don’t want to give too much away about the movie, but let me try to tell you about it.

The movie starts out with a great hygiene lesson as we get to watch a very buxom young lady lather herself up in the shower for three minutes. After getting squeaky clean and lotioned up, she leaves for her shoot and gets choked in her driveway by our killer with a pair of panty hose, complete with runs in them. I do have to say that some of the death scenes would give Jim Carey a run for his money on the overacting department. The plot of the movie is that seven adult film stars have each been paid a huge amount of money to star in an adult film by an eccentric director whose fake beard and moustache looks like they came from a Scooby Doo Villain Starter’s Kit.

Once they arrive at the set, which is quite a step down and not as lavish as they are used to shooting on, and they soon realize that they are actually part of a real-life horror movie, cast as the victims. Queue creepy music….dun dun dun!!! The killer, known as Brute, is a menacing character who only breathes heavy and grunts. He’s still quite intimidating although he wears something over his head that appears to be a jock with a zipper on it. The blood is not as much as you would expect in an over the top B-movie, but you do get to see some guts thrown in for good measure. The music’s also a little weird at times because when you’re expecting creepy music, you get cheesy porn music instead.

So, was it good or was it bad? Well, it depends on how you look at it. There is more to the plot and the ending is interesting, but I don’t want to give anything away. If you go into it expecting a masterpiece of cinematography and Oscar worthy acting, then you will be disappointed. If you’re looking for a horror movie that will spook you a little and be fun at the same time, then this may be just for you. There’s even a hint of a love story thrown in as well. Oh yeah, did we mention a midget is in the porn movie as well? That’s always a plus! Notwithstanding, there’s plenty of nudity and all of these young ladies seem to have no problem is displaying it.