When we talk about Alternative Press awards, it is great. Lots of bands. Lots of kickassery. It’s an award show to covet, with awards and parties, and all sorts of extravagancies that can make all tweens, teens, college age punks, and the rest of us go, “Hmm! These are tastemakers, and we need to read and learn what they are telling us!” Why? Because they are Alternative Press, that is why!
And it was a spectacular sight! There was a red carpet that extended down the side of the building, where adoring fans could watch their favorite artists walk by. Fangirls and boys alike had the chance to swoon and yell and show support to some of the most interesting artists anyone can find in today’s popular music scene.
Rockrevolt Magazine went, and we loved it! Maybe we are getting too old for this shit. Music festivals are lots of work for a journalist that, at the end of the day, might have just as much of a good time by plugging in an iPod playlist, sip a Pinot Grigio, and have a mani-pedi. I love the music. I love the artists. I love the show, but I love the pampering, too! And I love less hassle, more hedonism. And that is where the award show comes in. I can kinda sorta dress up, I can drink that Pinot without the aggravation of getting trampled, a beer flung at me, someone puking on my shoes, or having some dude in a Pikachu costume rub his ass on my head, AND I can watch my favorite Warped Tour and World Loudest Months artists play some of their biggest claims to fame, along with other musicians, making it one big orgy of live music + air conditioning. Total show hedonism. It’s a thing. It really is a thing!
Well, it was a thing until I noticed something. Something that made me keep my eyes open and observe the show being played out before me right there in the Schottenstein Arena. The music was fantastic. The show was hilarity…and then somewhere it began to eat at me. And it struck me around the time the bands on stage got a little more relaxed. Teen Wolf’s Tyler Posey appeared and was knocking around with Neck Deep on stage, along with other artists. They were having a great time! Like a frat party on steroids. That’s when it hit me. It was like a frat party but without chicks. Where did the chicks go?
where are the ladies!?!Did women fall out of favor with AP? Where are all the ladies? Where the FUCK did my metal maidens go? They are out there! I know they are! I’ve seen them with my own two eyes! Somewhere along the way, the APMA show became a sausage fest, and we aren’t talking about viennas here. This was a full blown kielbasa – hold the bun, because we ain’t got time for that – tomfoolery.
But WAIT, you say! Don’t be like that! There were women there!
Well, yeah, there were women present, sort of. The artists/bands that walked the red carpet that included women were Juliet Simms, New Year’s Day, Baby Metal, Stitched Up Heart, and Jenna McDougall from Tonight Alive. That was pretty much it. Out of all the bands, that was about it for the ladies.
In terms of women performing, we had Baby Metal, and Jenna walked out once to sing with Papa Roach. WOO HOO! That is two (or one and a half) out of all performances that evening. That’s a huge estrogen to testosterone imbalance.
Now, let’s not be unfair. What about the awards? I’m sure those had a little more balance. I mean, with so many women artists, like In This Moment, Lzzy Hale, Butcher Babies, Lacuna Coil, Arch Enemy, Within Temptation, Epica, The Agonist, The Pretty Reckless, Flyleaf, Amaranthe, Straight Line Stitch, Otep, and ON ON ON ON, there should be a nice level playing field here. I mean, it is 2016 after all, and look who is a top contender for The White House! Right?
Um, not so much. There were fourteen categories total, and 92 nominees…ladies appeared six times, and out of those six times, we had four unique artists. Out of 92 nominees, a woman or a “female fronted band” was nominated five times. How many of these won? None of them. Not a damn one.
If I were a female artist in this nebulous genre of music, I have a 1 in 25 chance to even being nominated. Phenomenal! I have a better chance of being a victim of identity theft (1 in 4) or dying from cancer (1 in 7). And even if I WERE to be nominated, I would have 0 chance of winning. FUCK! REALLY?!? I get to die from cancer with someone running rampant with my identity (obviously whoever took it isn’t winning an award either, because, you know: woman), as I watch my male cohorts sweat copious drops of Monster Energy drink, chest pump their fellow skully winners, and do whatever other dude things they do.
Thanks guys. Thanks a lot! By the way, you all can keep Kellin Quinn. You don’t need to keep reminding the rest of us that he sings like a girl. (Pretty sure he didn’t win either, so there you go – even the girliest of men can’t win a skully).
